• TIffany

Is Dating a Dud for You?

Recently I was invited to engage in an Indian Roka Ceremony; which in the Punjabi community is a pre-engagement ritual. This ceremony is when family and friends come together from both the future bride and groom side and give light to the new couple. Leading up to this moment I was able to experience the hard work and time sensitive event get planned. I'm close friends with the bride-to-be so I was able to get the inside scoop on all the details.

Before the Roka she was able to meet up with her dapper soon-to-be husband and they both got to know each-other 6 months prior to this date. So I'm sure you all want to know the big question, Arranged or Nah? Well in the indian culture they do practice arranged marriages and from my understanding some are more strict then others. It made me question and ask are parents really thinking about their children's soul mate at birth, I think not. But I do think that it's safe to say that modern day arrangement is real and to be honest I'm hip to the game. Think about all the different modern arrangements we have currently {Dating Apps, Matchmakers, TV Marriage arrangement Shows, speed dating } I feel like in the early stages of American culture dating and arrangements these options where probably way more creepy ,but now days in 2017 it's much more excepted and wanted.

As I spoke with my friend about her community and of course as society put it "One man's trash is another man's treasure" she disliked the idea of arrangement and wanted to seek her life on her own. Call it a bit rebellious but if you think about it in all reality we honestly just admired each other's trash. Here I am free as bird, single AF just going about my dating life as I please. When my dear friend gets options delivered to her phone {hand picked by family friends} and she can pick and choose as she pleases. As our daily conversations went on about whom she wanted as a partner I felt myself admiring this process as she ostracized it. "Tiffany its not as easy as you think" "Tiffany I'm so stressed out" are some of the nuances I would hear daily during her selection process. When in all reality all she wanted to do was be free as a bird and go about her dating life naturally.

It brought me to think why aren't we treating our dating life like a Roka? Our society paints this picture as they feel. We are supposed to date, get engaged and then marry, right? What if we skip telling people that we are dating and start acting as if when we officially make it public it's our Pre-engagement. From this point forward everyone knows that this is the person I'll be potentially marrying, we have made the commitment to start the journey to plan the rest of our lives together but with out the rings. It made me think about how many people make their relationship public and their ONLY dating. Well I'm sorry its 2017 we want to see JUST MARRIED. Millennials over publicize almost everything and yes I'm a victim of it also. But this certain situation made me realize what if we weren’t as free to do what we wanted and date who we wanted, would there be more structure, more obedience, which overall exemplifies abundance. Sometimes I honestly think we have too many options available to us which overall makes our decision process take longer. We take long deciding {to date, deciding who to date , guys are taking longer to propose ,even down to longer engagements} Handling dating as if it where a Roka puts a time limit on everything such as decisions making to court someone, making the announcement that you found that special someone and the marriage happens as soon as 6 months after this or at the latest a year. Would millennials be happier with more restriction? Would more tradition and healthy family influence help more couples tie the knot?

Photo Credit:

Rhea Khan

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