• Tiffany

Being Half Full or Half Empty

The purpose of the question is to demonstrate what the odds of the situation may be, things can be interpreted differently depending on one's point of view and that there may be opportunity in the situation as well as worry. Positive or negative thinking its either optimism {hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something} or pessimism {a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen} As I think to myself is it possible to be an introvert while acting in an extraverted manner? I really tend to look at myself and think others do see me as an extravert, with that being said I'm full of life and seeking the best jewels out of it but inside how can I be so introverted? I raise this question because this is honestly how I feel on a day to day basis. I seek obedience to deal with this back and forth emotion. Blame it on the moons cyclical pull on my being but it so confusing determining how I feel.

What I do know is that I'm full of faith, I relentlessly put my faith to the test and think optimistic of the outcome. I had wondered if that was selfish of me, am I putting my faith to test for an outcome or to determine how far I have come. Does a faithful person in a relationship continue to be faithful because they want the same in return or does it rest in their heart to be loyal? The truth is what is on the inside will reflect naturally on the outside. Whatever your desires are and the meditations of your heart your spirit will automatically react to. So I had questioned whether or not I was faithful for the result or because it is the right thing to do, the truth is I'm faithful because in my heart rests faith. From my point of view if you make time for your craft or whatever you're faithful to it will most definitely make room for you.

So I have decided to put my faithfulness and Christian attitude to the test. I made the BIG decision to fast for lent. So as you all know Jesus was in the desert for 40 days. Okay well I didn’t take that route I decided to challenge myself to half of that by doing 21 days instead. Now-- I had been prepping since November of 2015 because I knew my first attempt the previous year was devastating. I didn’t read up on the fast I couldn’t even give you a reason why I was doing it nor could I tell you what I could eat. I got many raised eyebrows at the fact of the fast because many had the impression that I was trying to lose weight.

In order to fast you must give up something that you would consider an addiction in order to add something new to your life. Preferably spending more time praying and gaining an intimate relationship with God, we are culturally conditioned to want good things in our life. But, how could you possibly have the audacity to want something when you're not even giving God what he wants, which is your time. So I thought this was the perfect opportunity to groom this addiction of mine of regularly wanting, worrying and doubting. Yes, you can be addicted to negative thinking and not realize it's actually an addiction. So the goal for this fast was to set an atmosphere for myself to constantly pray and be in reverence with God. On this 21 day journey I really wanted to rediscover who God wants me to be today {in this moment of my life} What it meant from Ash Wednesday on was that "This Meant War" I was officially practicing my commitment to faith. As I watched Enon Tabernacle's Church kick off service via online. Pastor Waller said " If you want to see God do something extraordinary in your life then do something extraordinary for God" those words lingered in my head the most during the whole time of the sermon. It made so much sense to me that I was doing this for more than just to please God but I too wanted to feel the shift in my life {something extraordinary}.

During this fast of course I focused on the food restrictions and things of that nature. I consumed no meat and drank only water and on Sundays I would rest with minor treats to myself but was conscious not to knock myself off course. The spiritual realm of it was to meditate on Direction; feeling lost and undecided with simple decision making, Restoration; I'm taking back what's mine, Finances; only entertain what my finances will allow, Love; determining what my language is and what love means to me, Obedience; being obedient to the one and only person whom is being obedient to me, God.

The fast was for me to break the habit of channeling negativity in my corner and open my mind to embrace great discipline in my life. I cleared out so many distractions by taking out the cable in my room, less time with my boyfriend and more yoga, meditation, reading, journaling, and drawing. I've gained so much during this fast and I feel like I have finally been broken into. Inside me rests peace, love, self-care, integrity, passion and obedience to live out Gods will. The shift, the devotions and temptation was all a part of the test in order for me to have this vast testimony. I would definitely say that my glass is half full, there is more opportunity for me in the future and I am claiming the life that I want to live. The goal is to allow my cup to overflow so that I may always be a stream of blessings to others around me. Examine your heart and see what you're consciously or subconsciously wrestling with, are YOU half empty or half full?




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