The Way We Do The Things We Do
It's been a long time coming for me to find out what exactly I have been doing. The month of May always gets me out of whack and bent out of shape. Why? Because of Mother's Day and the anniversary of my mother's passing all in one. So I have been rather distant, blank minded and completely NOT myself. In the midst of being a friend, aunt, daughter, granddaughter, girlfriend and socialite it sometimes gets me so overwhelmed I loose me during the process. I honestly feel like I haven’t felt this low or have allowed myself to get to this point in some time and it really scares me. Life in general scares me the possibility of success and the possibility of failure. My prayer life has been suppressed only getting in prayers during my busy schedule but not really setting aside time to really praise the way I ought too. I've been so distracted pleasing loved ones and making sure everyone and everything else is good. And did I mention this is my year to turn the big 2-5 , I know that’s not bad but it makes me reevaluate my circumstances and ask myself am I doing the right things? Am I on the right path?
I just recently came back from vacation and it really rejuvenated me, the trip was more of good fun before it was any sort of relaxation. I went with some friends who I really enjoy and while there I was able to let loose. But upon returning I felt angry, depressed and overwhelmed even more. Why is it that we go places to escape and when we return to the self-built prison, it is even darker than before? Why do we continue to dwell on what we don’t have? Is it because what we allow ourselves to view on television and read in magazines, we compare and strive for other peoples dream but why can't we stick to our own? Allot of questions I know but after deep thought and self-reflection this is what corrupts our minds into thinking we need more than what we have. Now don’t get me wrong I'm fine with having goals and want better things in life but will we really appreciate it in the long run if we were not "actually" there to witness the struggle because we were so busy trying to be someone that wasn’t us to begin with?
Live simple and don’t over indulge is what I have been learning this year. Give yourself time but be obedient and preserver through each storm. By doing this, each daily task gives clarity that you are one step closer to your monthly goal. I find myself happier when I complete things that I started, like for instance completing a book that took me months to read due to my busy hectic lifestyle. The more books I complete reading the more obedient I am being, it causes me to be still and concentrate on what is happening in between the pages rather than what's around me. Even with friendships that I have I want to commit and nurture those who nurture me. Just recently I abruptly cut many people off for personal and selfish reasons of just wanting myself to myself if that makes sense. I think I'm ready to get back into the swing of things and rekindle the friendships that challenged me, open the books that took me on a journey, pray to my God that continues to bless me and regain the confidence that once left me. So I said all that to say I am back it’s a new month time for new experiences and more self-love.